Make art? Why bother?
(...because it has hidden power)
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I started counting and stopped when I reached 400-ish. Then, I took a brief inventory of another basket, reached forty, and paused.
I surveyed the room with its stacks of old books, magazines, and bins of art supplies. The realization that I buy cases of glue sticks and have six pairs of my favorite scissors hit me once again.
What does this all mean? Why do I do this?
All around are 400+ cardstock circles, some as small as three inches across and others as large as eighteen inches in diameter. There are also rectangles and rectangles hinged together to make triptychs that recall medieval altarpieces.
Then there are the forty-odd journals, some very tiny and others quite large. I hand stitch most I buy a few pre-made.
The circles, rectangles, and journals are covered and filled with random images from thrift store books and expired magazines. Sometimes the photos swim in seas of swirled paint or peek from behind stenciled or stamped designs. Occasionally, words are clipped from a magazine or book and included; other times, I write them in sloppy handwriting.
Again, what is the meaning of all this?
Every artist, writer, poet, and artisan grapples with this question from time to time. Why do we do what we do? Why do we invest time, money, imagination, and mental and physical effort in creating? What's the purpose, the point, the takeaway? What do we gain from our efforts?
These questions are easier to answer if you're selling your creations. However, it's more complicated when you only make something for... what? Satisfaction, illumination, healing, self-expression?
Then the question of why looms large.
In an essay from January called Drawing Lessons, I share a little of my backstory as an artist, and you are welcome to read that to gain some context. Today, however, I'm tackling the current state of my creative practice, what it means, and the moments of confusion that can plague me about my role as an artist and the purpose of my art.
The archetype of the artist/creator/maker has been with me my entire life. It is one of my core archetypes. That may be true for you too, or perhaps you have desired this archetype and invited its energy into your life by taking classes and making stuff.
"Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."
― Kurt Vonnegut
Intention matters when creating.
If you intend to have fun with art, the measure of your success is having fun during the process. If you want to sell, success is when you sell your creation. If creating is meant to help you heal, it achieves its goal if you experience healing through your work.
Looking over stacks of circles and piles of journals, sometimes filled with nothing more than scraps of paper and scribbles, I need to remember my intentions. I need to go back to why I began this personal art-making that includes spending hours and dollars to create things meant only for me. They contain meaning only for me; they are never sold or displayed, yet they feel significant and valuable. Why?
Do I create for self-expression? Nope, that's not a driving force for me. In fact, my most authentic self-expression comes through another creative pursuit, gardening. This might seem weird, and I definitely think it deserves an essay of its own so I can explain. But that's not to say self-expression isn't a valuable and powerful reason. It is, and you may want to consider if it belongs to you.
Healing drifts in and out of my work, having been there initially and being an intention in specific projects. However, it's not my foundation. Art, however, is a great healer and one I can recommend wholeheartedly.
When faced with all the piles, baskets, and bins of found-image-collages I've made, I'm coaxed into remembering that I create all this in pursuit of personal gnosis and spiritual enlightenment. That's my why.
Gnosis - noun
Intuitive apprehension of spiritual truths, an esoteric form of knowledge
Science; knowledge; knowledge of the highest kind, specifically, mystical knowledge.
The deeper wisdom, knowledge of spiritual truth
Personal gnosis and spiritual enlightenment are the reasons for my art and life. I know no better way to engage in that pursuit than to exercise creativity and art-making.
When I'm spiritually stuck, the rationalist self begins to protest the piles of paper and cryptic art I create. It asks, "What the hell does this all mean? Why do you do this? It's foolish. Why Bother?" I've come to understand that this questioning is in response to my frustration at not possessing or understanding the deep spiritual knowledge I desire.
Making more art, not less, is the solution.
Personal gnosis is the deep joy and satisfaction of creative depth work for me. If every image is worth a thousand words, I've written volumes of philosophical, mythological, and spiritual tomes. Like a dusty scroll from the ancient library in Alexandria, each mystical book holds esoteric knowledge of the highest order and is written in my obscure visual language and told through myth and metaphor, understood only by me.
In the Kabbalistic diagram of the Tree of Life, Atziluth is the highest of the four worlds. It is the realm of archetypes. It is also known as "near to God." I can enter this world through art-making, a privilege most profound.
Suddenly, those piles of books and enigmatic image-covered circles are seen in a new light. They become sacred vessels, objects of power, and, in fact, holy.
"By our work, we are changed" ~ Marcus Katz
As we explored this idea together, we determined the current state of my creative practice is mixed-media-found-image-collages produced on various surfaces, including circular, rectangular, and hand-crafted art journals. Next, we've examined the "why" and the purpose of my art, the pursuit of spiritual knowledge, and gnosis. The last thing to consider is the role of the artist. What do I, as a human being, have to do with this process? Is it truly my process, or am I a participant in something more significant, something archetypal?
This is a trick question because the answer is both.
Indeed, my process is something I've developed and expanded (or contracted) over time. It's the particular way I do things, the techniques and materials I use, and the concepts I explore.
I may explore the myth of Demeter and Persephone or the stages of Alchemy, or Mary as the mystical rose (a current fascination). Sometimes all the creative process yields are my explorations. Other times there is more profound information that wants to come through.
There are also those experiences (and I've had many) when knowledge wants to manifest in this reality. It wants me to know it, or it wants to be known by me. This is what is called a download or a transmission. It all comes in a tidal wave of inspiration and creative activity. I stay up way too late and ignore other vital tasks. I work non-stop, paper snippets fly, paint splashes about, and the studio floor disappears under the scraps and splatters.
When it's all over, I hold something wonderful and miraculous in my hands. It's nothing short of a divine message. Like that scroll from the Alexandrian library, it contains hidden knowledge I will decipher over many years. It is something precious that I will carry with me into my future, something that will guide and advise my future self.
Personal art-making has many facets. I've touched on some of them, and they each have their reason for being. Each intent produces a unique result, and often there is overlap.
What is your intent when you create art (and I use "art" in the broadest sense possible)?
Let's generate some conversation around this vital topic. How has art healed or helped, or enriched you? Has it allowed you to process grief, tell your truth, understand, or formulate your beliefs?
Art-making is such a powerful act. It's like a magician's wand giving you the power to create something and shape your reality. It's something that belongs to everyone.
Tell me your art stories in the comments.
If you liked reading this, feel free to click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏
Since I am older I keep thinking I should re-read myself.
The universe is guiding me to portals at the moment… your posts about the mooncircles, and collages is so inspiring and synchronistic.