Self-Love

transcendence or trap?

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Belated Valentine's Day Greetings! I toyed with sending you this on the day but decided to choose consistency and keep to my Thursday morning publishing schedule. So here we are, welcome. 

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself" is a familiar concept. 

It's from the New Testament in the Bible, and it is one of the two great moral imperatives.

"Love your neighbor," which I extend to all beings, plants, animals, and minerals I share the planet with seems more understandable than "love yourself."

Love is complicated to define and understand, yet the Self is even more so. A post about the meaning and nature of love is for another day. Today let's explore what we mean by the "Self" and why extending love toward yourself is a transcendent experience, albeit one with a few traps to be mindful of.

I want to tackle a few of the arguments I’ve come across against self-love that focus on the potential traps. The most common is the notion that self-love equals selfishness. I suspect that this is more of a fear than an actual argument. We, humans, have a tendency towards selfishness born from a baser (but necessary) survival instinct. We always have to keep it in check; it’s a trap we don’t want to fall into. 

The injunction against self-love is an overreaction to help us avoid that selfish bent. However, to extend love or even know what love is, we must first be able to offer it to ourselves. That feels like a revolutionary concept because we are taught to be loved means being loved by another. Yet we can't force someone to love us; sometimes, we can't even love ourselves. 

Somehow we have made being loved by another person paramount rather than being loved by the source of love, which is divine. If divine love is extended toward us, then why should we not also love ourselves? 

The noble aspects of being a martyr, one willing to sacrifice themselves for a cherished belief, can descend into perpetual victimhood. One who is amiable and cooperative can devolve into a doormat. Every aspect of being, including self-love, has a shadow. But we need not allow the darker unbalanced side of things to exclude the positive potential offered. 

The other danger associated with self-love is narcissism. There's pathological narcissism and a more general type of narcissism. Too much indulgent self-love tends to fan the flames of general narcissism. A mindset that elevates one's beliefs, perceptions, feelings, preferences, desires, and perspective above all others and demands everyone else align with them. Again, this is the shadow and needs to be recognized and avoided. 

Authentic, healthy self-love can thrive when you clearly understand the Self. 

The Self is a central concept of Carl Jung's depth psychology. In a nutshell, it means the totality of one's being. I capitalize Self, as Jung did, to indicate its centrality and sacredness within each person. 

Jung believed that the "central force guiding our development" and allowing us to evolve is the Self. He saw the Self as the blueprint that held the plan for the spiral path of our unfolding. Traveling that path creates greater unity between conscious and unconscious, bringing us into greater wholeness. 

The Self is the inner being, a wise companion and guide accompanying us throughout our lives. 

In Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Jung writes the Self is... 

"the... archetype of orientation and meaning. Therein lies its healing function."

Jung also believed that the Self could be called "the God in us," the divine spark of perfect love, knowledge, and being. Indeed that divine seed, that perfect unity, our truest innermost Self, is worth loving.

To nurture and love the Self is tending the inner garden, causing your true potential to blossom. This blossoming brings healing and balance within and allows you to develop and offer your gifts to others. 

Self-love, while profoundly healing and beneficial to you, is also the prerequisite to loving others. If you are fragmented, wounded, and governed by shadow, you will unconsciously project those onto others. As a result, you will be unable to see others as they are. 

What is love if not seeing someone as they are, valuing them, and accepting them without judgment or requirement?

To tenderly love and heal the Self brings balance and harmony in you and, in turn, into your relationships. 

Love begins in our heart-home with the Self 

Self-love is the process of mending, tending, and valuing the totality of your being, including your shadow. Self-love looks upon the Self as a spark of divinity within and finds it a wise guide and companion worthy of attention and love. 

As always, thank you for reading and being part of Hedge Mystic. Read on for a special announcement.

An Opportunity for Self-love

Once a year, I open The EarthWise Way.

You can work with me this year and show yourself self-love through creativity and tending the garden of your inner being. 

Our theme is A Year for YOU.

You will have an opportunity to choose self-care, self-expression, self-healing, and self-love. Along the way, you will meet yourself in new ways and find your own mythic language and sacred images through art-making, altar-building, and inner journeys that stir the soul.

Mother Earth's changing seasons mirror your inner life and soul's journey. In this merging of Self and Earth, you will find profound invitations to create, heal and grow in new and expansive ways.

The EarthWise Way is a creative group of women who are comfortable doing their own inner work and want a place to share and a sacred witness for their inner journey. The Wheel of the Year is our foundation, and this year includes The She Wheel. The focus is on you and your personal and spiritual growth guided by and mirrored in Mother Earth's seasonal cycle.

You can read a detailed information page by clicking the button below and receive the early bird discount for a limited time.

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